tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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