I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
