she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
