I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
