just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
