I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
