Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well you can't waste a boner
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry about my life...
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