Who wears a wallet chain?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
