I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
