I've blown a few things in my day
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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