If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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