she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
