he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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