maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
