he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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