i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
