Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
