There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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