It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
