i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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