i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
