why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
