I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
