Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
