This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
