Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm both gender and math confused
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize