A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
