She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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