you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
