Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
