Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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