its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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