my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
