I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
