He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
