He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
