I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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