this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
