I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
