chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
