I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
