YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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