he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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