I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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