grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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