the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
