Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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