; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
