I am in a vortex of obligation.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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