dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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